Monday, August 30, 2010 { 11:22 PM }

Sunday, August 29, 2010 { 3:27 PM }

It hurts to see someone liking me so much that I cant give back the same .
I needed you to move on , and seems like you're moving on . (:
I needed you to forget me , and find someone better ,
which you're also progressing . I'm trying to make you hate me so so much ,
till you don't even wanna see my face . I had to do it on FB so ppl will motivate you to move on .
atleast i'll look like a bitch and they would ask you to not waste your time on me .
It's better to hurt you now than in the future .
Now the friendship is also gone . so yeah . I do hope that you'll find someone better and last long with her . (:

Now i've to be in the full swing for N lvls .

Tuesday, August 24, 2010 { 4:31 PM }

So touchingggg !


MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

Thursday, August 19, 2010 { 3:54 PM }

Wednesday, August 18, 2010 { 10:36 PM }

I've been to tired to bloggg . will blog when i get some energy and mood .
bye .

Monday, August 16, 2010 { 1:30 PM }




To me , you're perfect ,
To you , I'm the sweetest person ,
To us , our love is everlasting ,
To others , we are the cutest couple .
Now , To me , you're a jerk ,
To you , i'm just a passtime ,
To us , it was a mistake ,
To others , it's just a typical break up .

I'm so happyyyyyy ! Like really happy for some reason . But I really don't know why I'm being happy . It's like there is nothing to be happy about .

Later night study with Wani , Fhad , Hambali and Tien Teck (:

Weekends were super duper awesome . Looking forward to Saturday ! (:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, August 13, 2010 { 3:24 PM }





Where were you when I needed you ?
Where were you when I missed you ?
Where were you when I was all alone ?
Now when I have moved on , you're back.
Wanting my love , my trust and my attention .
But boy , this ain't gonna happen .
Don't bother trying cause you know ,
IT'S NOT WORTH IT .

Never say you love me when you don't ,
Never say you miss me when you don't .
Never say you wanna spend the rest of your life with me when you don't mean it.
Because you know that this relationship will never last long .

Writing all this after a long time . I'm not emo-ing . It's just a random thing .

It's Felicia's birthday !
Have an awesome 16th birthday (:

School was as usual . Went recess with Tien Teck , Wayne , Joshua , Kenny and Li Tat . Mr Ho joined us .

Assembly was fun . YOG was okay . Walked to commonwealth with Siti , Fhad , Wani , Val , Bobo , Hambali and Tien Teck .

Gonna go night study with Fhad and Wani later (:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, August 12, 2010 { 9:30 PM }

Why are we quarrelling everyday for no damn reason , I NEED TIME !
let me state everything down , we were friends , we texted alot and all .
out of a sudden you like me and then everyone got to know about it .
it happened super fast that I'm confused . I HATE THIS !
I HATE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING THAT GOTTA DO WITH RELATIONSHIPS !
its like i feel bad for stuff , i feel bad for being cold and heartless .
Its beyond my control . You know what , I'm sure there are many girls out there who are dying for you . They'll love you as the way you love me . You wont be hurt and they will never piss you off and all . No matter what happens , we'll be good friends . that if you want .

Wednesday, August 11, 2010 { 4:00 PM }

I'm turning 16 in three months and seven days . In this fifteen years , eight months and twenty-four days , My life have really changed in many ways .


Sometimes i wonder , how my life will be if I was living with both my parents . I bet it'll be typical . Look at daddy's side , NO COMMENTS . The only modern family from my daddy's side is Mishay's family . Mummy's side is where the wild ones are born . Out of 15 cousins , 12 of us are the ones who club . If I look at daddy's side , only 2 of my cousins club . Wait ! they don't know how to club ! Though both of my parents are alive , I only feel mummy is alive . I always got and always have been getting mummy's love . Daddy and me are worlds apart . We are like complete strangers but he's like holding on the title of a father . Since the day my family went their separate ways , My brothers and I were no longer accepted from daddy's side . Only one of my uncle (Mishay's dad) loves us and accepted us as his own which we are thankful for . And because of that , Mishay and I are SUPER CLOSE ! Speaking about family , I MISS BALVIN ALOTTTTT ! Though my family and cousins can be super possessive , but I think it's for my own future . Though I do feel that i don't have any freedom , By looking at the long run , It's all worth it .


We all have friends who will stick by us . We also have friends who will leave us one day . I've learnt something from friendship . The people leave us for a reason . The reason is to let other people come into out lives . There is no time for regrets . All we can do is to move on . There is no point cursing and crying . We can learn something from the impact they leave us with . We can simply put the blame on the person who left us , but we have to also lo0k at what we have done that made the person leave us . I'm thankful to those who always been my side , For accepting me the way I am . (: I'm counting down to DECEMBERRRRRR ! Kevin , Ashley , Ashveer and Alisa are coming back for their vacation break .


Coming into this world might not have been the greatest thing but I've learnt to accept things around me . People can be a bitch . My brothers and I are somehow showing others that a single parent can really raise his/her children up like everyone else . I'm gonna prove that a girl who has a single parent can go far in life too so that all the people who have looking down will shut up . Oh yeah , to prove those LOSERS who think ITE suck . I seriously don't know whats happening to me . I'm confused . I don't wanna hurt anyone nor disappoint them . Can't make things complicated anymore . I've to make a decision after my N's .



Fasting month has start , so is the hungry ghost . Canteen is so not gonna be back . Gonna be going recess with Tien Teck for a month since the rest are fasting . Wayne might join us too (:

Sunday, August 8, 2010 { 10:44 AM }













Just woke up from my sleep , now running after a small boy ! He's soo naughty ! The pics are the proof . 1st pic he is hiding from me so that he won't get scolding . Second pic is he's biting me cos I took away my iPhone from
Him . 3rd pic is about him playing the phone. This is just the basics , there are also jumping off the table and many more . He's trying to be some superhero . Other than that , he's super sweet , cute , funny and soooooooooooo adorableeeee ! My BOYFRIEND !

Today is reshu's and kosand's birthday ! :D

Have been spending my national holidays at kallang . So won't be blogging much . (:

So good bye losers and enjoy the national holidays (:

Tuesday, August 3, 2010 { 12:55 PM }





Time flies , people come and go ,
While some people leave a great impact while others don't .

School has been going good . Prelimsssss ! Have been really studying . Spending time going BP for tuition . National Holidays ain't gonna be fun for
me . I've to study , pack stuff and maybe go out once or twice . I'm so tiredddddd ! I want my 15 hours of sleepp !




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone